Issue 4: WTF Bags of Fashion Month
HANDBAGS AT DAWN // Catwalk season has finally wrapped up and all I can think about are the kooky oddities some fashion designers were trying to flog as bags.
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What the fuck was that? is a rhetorical question most people, including myself, are left with after experiencing a month of fashion shows almost exclusively via social media. While going to the shows might inject my life with anxiety caused by a severe lack of self-esteem, watching them through other people’s eyes results in mostly focusing on the viral moments. How am I supposed to discover the wonderful craftsmanship behind Hermès’ new mini bags when all I can see is one Kim K enveloped in branded duct tape à la Drag Race season three episode four. Some of the dresses at the Loewe AW22 show explored the complexities of female figures, but all I cared about were the sculptures of prolapsed assholes (see above) and leather clutch bags that resembled bubbling turds.
More so than ever before, it seems like fashion designers have almost unanimously agreed on crafting LOL/WTF/OMFG moments as the ultimate goal of a fashion show. And it makes sense, in a way – topping social media impression charts feels like the only way to justify the ridiculously high price tag of this experience. A Vogue Business story from 2019 claims that an average production budget for a New York Fashion Week show can be “anywhere from $125,000 to upwards of $300,000.” However, I know plenty of talented, emerging and savvy London-based designers who are capable of pulling it off for considerably less cash, which they swap for extensive amounts sweat, blood and tears.
So yes, you want your fashion show to be all over everywhere, even if it takes making a fool out of oneself. And don’t get me wrong – I’m all for being funny, sarcy and ironic (hello!). But I’m also a fashion-hungry whore who fell in love with this world by taking it overly serious, so it’s impossible not to feel at least a tiny bit cynical about it becoming a meme factory. With that sour taste in my mouth, I decided to explore the madness by curating 10 of the most WTF bags from this season’s catwalks.
And just to be clear, these bags aren’t my favourites, though I love and would gladly carry most of them. They are conversation starters. Pieces of (f)art. Evidence that fashion designers are wild human beings. Who is wearing them? Where are they going? Are they going through a mental breakdown? Probably, it’s FASHION anyway.
1. BALENCIAGA BOOT BAG
Obviously, I couldn’t do this without arguably the stupidest bag design of the season. Taking a pair of last season’s boots inspired by the iconic City bag and turning them into a new bag is just another proof that Balenciaga’s designer Demna Gvasalia is fully trolling us. Imagine losing a coin, ring or contraceptive pill in the bottom of this bag? You might as well just say farewell to it. So yeah, this one is totally fun and kinda useless which means I’m on board. However, I totally draw the line on the highly problematic leather bin bags that were also all over the Balenciaga catwalk. I might enjoy being trolled but I ain’t that stupid.
2. JAMES WALSH’S CHIHUAHUA
Each Central Saint Martins graduate show is usually filled with WTF moments, but I have to say this year’s cohort was quite serious in their approach. My absolute favourite was Ed Mendoza, who cast a full line-up of big guys – a first in the school’s history. He told me all about his approach for Dazed, including making a stunning crochet dinosaur bag which was a total hit in my eyes. However, it was his colleague James Walsh who made me do a double take thanks to his wearable-ish velvet sculptures, including a Chihuahua handbag that felt like a direct reference to Paris and Nicole circa The Simple Life. Also, creepy.
3. COPERNI’S HAND-BLOWN GLASS
One of the reasons I love the world of bags is that their sense of function can vary, therefore sending quite a specific message about the wearer. Well, the French duo behind Coperni presented a vase/bag/sculpture/hand-weight that revisits the idea of practicality. Hand-blown in Brooklyn by studio Heven, this object of desire is made out of glass and therefore might not be the most casual solution for carrying your essentials, though it sure is stunning to look at. And in any time of danger, it can also double as a weapon. All I can think about is the fact that this bag wouldn’t last longer than 15 minutes in my clumsy sausage fingers…
4. BOTTER BUOY
Sending their own message around climate change and ocean waste, Dutch duo Lisi Herrebrugh and Rushemy Botter showed a collection full of cheeky nautical references. My personal highlight was the way they repurposed buoys into handbags of varied sizes, with leather cross-body straps. Help me, I’m drowning – oh wait, I’ve got my bag, all good.
5. THE ROW BAG NAPKINS
Imagine being so rich and ridiculous that you’re happy to spend upwards of £2.5k for the most immaculate leather handbag and then cover it with a sad cashmere (?) napkin. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen really do know how to address the idea of luxury guilt: having loads of cash and hating yourself for it.
6. SIMONE ROCHA BOWS
Okay, huge Simone Rocha fan over here but… riddle me this – what the hell are you supposed to carry inside an oversized satin bow wrist bag? Wouldn’t even just a set of keys feel SO annoying, just rattling and slapping around? Sorry to be a practical bitch for once, but this just might be the most annoying concept for a bag I’ve seen in a while. Would I totally twirl it around a packed train in order to annoy people around me? ABSOLUTELY.
7. SPORTMAX LONG TALL SALLY
I really don’t wanna be a gay who references Drag Race episodes more than once per conversation, but tell me this hyper-oversized Sportmax clutch ain’t just as ridiculous as those silly Coach bags RuPaul made the cast of Season 13 wear in the bag ball? Except, the Sportmax big boi also looks like a really fancy case for one of those kids’ synthesiser my parents never wanted to get me. Okay, maybe I’m just triggered.
8. OTTOLINGER CERAMIC CASE
This is a concept that Berlin-based duo behind Ottolinger have been doing for quite a few seasons now and I can’t get enough of it. Though it looks ceramic, the bags are actually made in polyurethane aka plastic, so at least I wouldn’t be able to break them as easily as the Coperni one. ALSO, this shade of hot pink makes me horny.
9. SUNNEI BACK MOP
A backpack that also doubles as a carwash? Sign me up, even if I don’t have a driver’s licence. Once again, this might be a bit of a personal trigger, as that multicolour fringe does resemble my hirsute back. And now, you can have a hair back too, thanks to Sunnei.
10. COLLINA FROG-ADA
This couldn’t be a Fashion Month summary without the presence of Collina Strada, who presented arguably the most fun fashion video since the pandemic. If you’re gay or have a sense of humour, you should seriously consider spending 12 minutes of your life watching a stellar cast of creatives in the roles of Whitney, Lauren & co in The Hills. The brand’s designer Hillary Taymour showed some wonderful bags in the collection too, including this purple crochet frog that would make a perfect camping partner. Need. Love. Perfection. xxx
*PEEK OF THE WEEK*
For this week, I asked another insider to let me take a look into their private bits. Who better than Marianne Theodorsen (@marianne_theodorsen), a content creator with a collection of bags I can’t help but drool over. She has this one multi-coloured Chanel canvas 2.55 that I have regular dreams about. I met Marianne this past summer in Copenhagen and we instantly connected over our love of colour as well as the fact that she holds the chicest title in fashion – Handbag Expert at the freshly launched Vogue Scandinavia. Below is a brief Paris Fashion Week peek into her well-organised Stephen Sprouse x Louis Vuitton Speedy bag.
What does the inside of your bag say about you?
Marianne: “Honestly, I normally carry far more stuff – including candy wrappers, notebooks, AirPods and god knows what – but I’m currently in Paris for work so it’s all about the very essentials.”
PS. I know there are currently plenty of incredible initiatives in support of those affected by the war in Ukraine. One I would love for you to consider is a charity sale of photographs by my best friend and collaborator Turkina Faso, who is selling prints with of her work with all proceeds going to a charity supporting Ukranian children that are currently suffering. You can browse & buy the prints on her IG – @turkinafaso.